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A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's
Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her
mother and doing a very fine job. She concluded the prayer by
saying "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail
AMEN"

A Healthy Dose of Laughter

I read that a child laughs 400 times a day on the average,
while an adult laughs only 15 times each day, which is puzzling since
laughter feels so good and is so good for us!
~
You may know the benefits of laughter on the mind and spirit,
but are you aware of how much a good laugh can help you physically?
Norman Cousins used to say that laughter is so beneficial physically
that it is like "inner jogging."
~
Mayo Clinic (Mayo Clinic Health Letter, March 1993) reports
that laughter aids breathing by disrupting your normal respiration
pattern and increasing your breathing rate. It can even help clear
mucus from your lungs.
~
Laughter is good for your heart. It increases circulation and
improves the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to tissues throughout
your body.
~
A good laugh helps your immune system fight off colds, flu and
sinus problems by increasing the concentration of immunoglobulin A in
your saliva. And it may help control pain by raising the levels of
certain brain chemicals (endorphins).
It is also a natural stress reliever. Have you ever laughed so
hard that you doubled over, fell off your chair, spit out your food or
wet your pants? You cannot maintain muscle tension when you are
laughing!
~
The good news is that you are allowed more than 15 laughs a
day! Go ahead and double the dose and make it 30 times today. (You may
begin to notice your relationships improving!) Then double it again!
You are bound to feel better, you will cope with problems more
effectively and people will enjoy being around you.
~
Laughter: it's good medicine, it's completely organic, it can
be shared, it is recyclable and absolutely free!

Landrum2@aol.com

DRINKING FROM MY SAUCER

I've never made a fortune
and it's probably too late now
But I don't worry about that much
'Cause I'm happy anyhow.

And as I go along life's way
I'm reaping better than I sow
I'm drinking from my saucer
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

Haven't got a lot of riches
and sometimes the going's tough
But I've got loving ones around me
and that makes me rich enough.

I thank God for his blessings
and the mercies He's bestowed
I'm drinking from my saucer
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

O, Remember times when things went wrong
My faith wore somewhat thin
But all at once the dark clouds broke
and sun peeped through again.

So Lord, help me not to gripe
about the tough rows that I've hoed
I'm drinking from my saucer
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

If God gives me strength and courage
When the way grows steep and rough
I'll not ask for other blessings
I'm already blessed enough.

And may I never be too busy
to help others bear their loads
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer
'Cause my cup has overflowed

Closely followed by
The Teacup Story

A man came into an antique store. As he was looking around, something very beautiful took his eye. There, very high on a shelf, was the most perfectly crafted teacup that he had ever seen, delicate and lovely in shape. 

The man said to himself, "I must have this teacup! It is absolutely beautiful. I must have it!"It was at that moment when the teacup began to speak to him.

"I haven't always been beautiful,"it stated. "Would you believe me if I told you that I once was nothing more than an ugly clump of gray clay? Let me tell you about myself."

"In the beginning, my Master took me and rolled me over and over and over. Then He would pat me ever so hard - 'OUCH', I said to Him as he pounded me over and over. 'Could you please stop? That hurts!', I would tell Him.

'Not Yet' was His reply. 

When He finished rolling and patting me, He put me on this wheel that went around and around so fast I thought that I would fly right off it.

'I'm getting dizzy!', I cried out to Him. 'Please, sir, will you stop?'

He again replied, 'Not yet'. 

While I was on this wheel, my Master started to shape me, pressing on me really hard at times. I asked Him to please stop pushing and poking at me but again He answered me with, 'Not yet'.

After molding and shaping me perfectly, I thought He was finally finished with me but the worst was yet to come!

He then painted me all over with this horrible smelling paint. It was awful! I choked and sputtered as He applied the paint and I cried out to Him, 'Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to deserve this?'

Just when I thought for sure that there was relief in sight, He picked me up and put me in this VERY hot oven. As I sat there in that oven I saw Him looking at me through a window in the oven door.

The sweat was pouring from me and I begged Him, 'Please will you take me out now?' 

'Not yet', was His reply again. How long was this going to go on I wondered. 

Mercifully, He removed me from the oven - only to put more of that nasty smelling paint on me and put me back in the oven again - only this time, He turned it up 7 times hotter!!

'Why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me!! Oh, why is this happening? Please, Lord, are you finished yet?' 

At that moment He came and removed me from the oven again and sat me on a shelf to cool.

The next day He came to me smiling and lovingly held a mirror up to me. 

As I looked at the reflection, I could hardly believe my eyes! I was changed - completely transformed - I didn't look at all the same.

I was truly amazed. You see, my Master had turned what was once just a clump of ugly gray clay into a beautiful work of art - a masterpiece! I had to endure many trials and much pain to become what you see today.

Yes, my Master knew all along what He was doing - He was teaching me that no matter how desperate our situation is and no matter how much pain we must go through, we must trust in Him for it is during those times when He is doing the greatest work in our lives.

The finished product will be a 'masterpiece'".

One day a father and his rich family took his son to a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night in the farm of a very poor family.

When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"Very good Dad!"

"Did you see how poor people can be?"the father asked.

"Yeah!"

"And what did you learn?"

The son answered, "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden, they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have a whole horizon."

When the little boy was finishing, his father was speechless.

His son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are!"

Isn't it true that it all depends on the way you look at things? If you have love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude towards life -- you have everything! You can't buy any of these things, but still you can have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions for the future, etc., but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing!

_"Borrowed"from Heartwarmers4u newsletter 5/3/99
author unknown, submitted by Ma. Angeles C.

When I was young my slippers were red.
I could kick my feet clear over my head.
When I grew older, my slippers were blue.
But I could dance the whole night through.
But now I am old - my slippers are black.
I walk to the corner, but puff my way back.
Somehow I know that my youth is spent.
My get up and go has got up and went.
But I really don't care,
As I think with a grin
Recalling the places my get up has been.

_ Anonymous

Julie the blonde coed who lives down the street from us was getting pretty desperate for money last summer before school started. She decided to go to the nicer, more well-to-do neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. At the first house she tried, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job you could do. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure, that sounds great!"said Julie.
"Well, uh, how much do you want to do the job?"asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks OK?"Julie asked.
"Okay, I'll pay you fifty dollars. You'll find the paint, ladder and other stuff you'll need in the garage."Where upon the man closed the door and went back in the house.
"Fifty dollars! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?"asked his wife, who had been listening to their conversation from behind the door.
"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!"her husband replied.

About half an hour later, Julie knocked on the door.
"I'm all finished."She told the surprised homeowner.
The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?"
"Yeah,"Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"
The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.
"Oh, and by the way,"(blink) Julie told him, smiling sweetly, "that's not a "Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 

1. "Let's Meet At My House Sunday Before the Game "- God
2. "C'mon Over And Bring The Kids "- God
3. "What Part of "Thou Shalt Not..."Didn't You
Understand?"- God
4. "We Need To Talk"- God
5. "Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour
Longer"- God
6. "Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage"- God
7. "That "Love Thy Neighbor"Thing, I Meant It."- God
8. "I Love You...I Love You...I Love You..."- God
9. "Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place?"- God
10. "Follow Me."- God
11. "Big Bang Theory, You've Got To Be Kidding."- God
12. "My Way Is The Highway."- God
13. "Need Directions?"- God
14. "You Think It's Hot Here?"- God
15. "Tell The Kids I Love Them."- God
16. "Need a Marriage Counselor? I'm Available."- God
17. "Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A
Test."- God

Dug the little ditty below out of my files again, it's been making the rounds of tech support desks forever. I don't suppose anybody else ever felt this way, but every so often, when I'm trying to get my 'puter to see things MY way, I have to read it again, just in case.

Ridge Hall, computer assistant; how may I help you?

"Hello? Yes! I'm having trouble with Word Perfect."

What sort of trouble?

"Well, I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went away."

Went away?

"Yeah! They just disappeared."

hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?

"Nothin."

Nothing?

"Right. It's blank; it won't accept anything I type."

Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?

"How do I tell?"

Can you see the C:/ prompt on the screen?

"What's a sea prompt?"

Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?

"There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type!"

Does your monitor have a power indicator?

"What's a monitor?"

It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?

"I don't know."

Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see it?

. . . . yeah, I think so."

Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Is it?

". . . .yeah. . . I think so."

When you were behind the monitor did you notice if there were two cables plugged into the back of it. . not just one?

"No."Well, there should be. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

". . . . OK, here it is."

Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of the computer.

"I can't reach it."

Uh huh. . . Well, can you see if it is? "No."

Not even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over behind the computer?

"Oh, not because I don't have the right angle on it. Because it's dark in here!"

DARK?

"Yeah! The office light is off and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Well, turn on the light then.

"I can't."

No? Why not?

"Cause all the power's out."

All the power. . . . all the power's off?

Aha. . . ! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?

"Well. . yeah. . I kept 'em in the closet."

Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

"Really! Is it that bad then?"

Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, OK then . . . I guess. But what shall I tell them is wrong with it?"Just tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!"

Quoted From a Memo on Proper Client Handling Technique
(actual dialog of a former Customer Support Tech at WordPerfect)

A little girl walked daily to and from school. Though the weather one morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school.

As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of the little girl was worried that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school, and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child. Lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword.

Being concerned, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. Soon she saw her daughter walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look and smile. One followed another, each with the little girl stopping, looking at the streak of light and smiling.

Finally, the mother called her over to the car and asked, "What are you doing?"

The child answered, "God keeps taking pictures of me."

One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all we could do she died leaving us with a tiny premature baby and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive, as we had no incubator (we had no electricity to run an incubator) and no special feeding facilities.

Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts.

One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton wool the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle.

She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates.

"And it is our last hot water bottle!"she exclaimed.

As in the West it is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drug stores down forest pathways.

"All right,"I said, "Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can; sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm."

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle.

The baby could so easily die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died. During the prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt conciseness of our African children.

"Please, God,"she prayed, "send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby'll be dead, so please send it this afternoon."

While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of corollary,

"And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?"

As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, Amen? I just did not believe that God could do this.

Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything. The Bible says so. But there are limits, aren't there?

The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door.

By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the verandah, was a large twenty-two pound parcel! I felt tears pricking my eyes.

I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper,taking care not to tear it unduly.

Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas -- that would make a nice batch of buns for the weekend.

Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the . . . could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out -- yes! A brand-new, rubber hot water bottle!

I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out,

"If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!"

Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly.

Her eyes shone! She had never doubted!

Looking up at me, she asked, "Can I go over with you, Mummy, and give this dolly to that little girl, so she ll know that Jesus really loves her?"

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months! Packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child -- five months before -- in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it that afternoon.

"Before they call, I will answer!" Isaiah 65:24

*Helen Roseveare, a doctor missionary from England to Zaire, Africa, told this as it happened to her in Africa.

Another one of those chain letter thingys! I despise them and unusually hit delete immediately. True or not, this one deserves a second look. See if you agree?

A few years ago, at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at  the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win.  All, that is,  except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of  times, and  began to cry.
The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and  looked back. Then they all turned around and went back... every one of them.  One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said,  "This will make it better."Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. 
Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering  went on for several  minutes. People who were there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course occasionally.

This list of observations makes lots of sense to me. Especially the one about how far behind I am! Thanks Cosmos!

• If you feel far away from God, guess who moved?
• Fear knocked. Faith answered. No one was there.
• What you are is God's Gift to you. What you become is your gift to God.
• I am God's Melody of Life and He Sings His Song through me.
• We can never really go where God is not,and where He is, all is well.
• No matter what is happening in your life, know that God is Waiting for you with open Arms.
• God Promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
• Do your best and then sleep in peace. God is Awake.
• God has a Purpose and Plan for me that no one else can fulfill.
• The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
• We are responsible for the effort, not the outcome.
• We set the sail; God makes the wind.
• Begin to weave and God will Give you the thread.
• When God says "no", it's because He has something better in store for you.
• The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
• Prayer: don't bother to give God instructions, just report for duty.
• It's my business to do God's Business, and it's His Business to take care of my business.
• Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.
• How come you're always running around looking for God? He's not lost.
• God put me on earth to accomplish a number of things; right now, I'm so far behind I will live forever.

Earth author unknown. Ultimate author, God.

It was Grandfather's Birthday
by Rudy Joe Mano (the author passed away in March '98)

It was Grandfather's birthday.  He was 79.  He got up early, shaved, showered, combed his hair and put on his Sunday best so he would look nice when they came.

He skipped his daily walk to the town cafe where he had coffee with his cronies.  He wanted to be home when they came.

He put a porch chair on the sidewalk so he could get a better view of the street when they drove up to help celebrate his birthday.

At noon, he got tired but decided to forgo his nap so he could be there when they came.  Most of the rest of the afternoon he spent near the telephone so he could answer it when they called.

He has five married children and 13 grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.  One son and a daughter live within 10 miles of his place.  They haven't visited him for a long time.  But today was his birthday, and they were sure to come.

At supper time, he left the cake untouched so they could cut it and have dessert with him.  After supper, he sat on the porch waiting.

At 8:30, he went to his room to prepare for bed.  Before retiring, he left a note on the door which read, "Be sure and wake me up when you come."

It was Grandfather's birthday.  He was 79.

Please don't forget about your grandparent's on their birthday!

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